how to be a great conversationalist
the art of interesting conversation
If you can learn to master communication, you are 10x closer to any goal you have I don’t care what it is. So many of us have lost the art of good conversation!
There are some very specific things you can implement in the way you speak to set yourself apart:
1. The more you speak, the less is being retained.
Let go of the idea that you need to say a lot. When you’re someone who always has to give their opinion, always has to put their two cents in, always has to contribute, you lower your contribution score.
Your contribution score is the level of perceived value your contribution has.
If you’re always talking, people tend to glaze over when you start speaking because you’re always speaking, there is no way everything you’re saying has that much value.
Versus the person who only speaks when they have something valuable to say; when they start speaking, everyone shuts up and focuses on them, because they know whatever this person says is going to be valuable.
They have a high contribution score.
More exclusivity = higher perceived value
2. If you let someone talk about themselves for 30 minutes, they’ll think they’re in love with you.
People love to talk about themselves and rarely do we give others the opportunity to talk about themselves and share their story. Let them talk. The art of good conversation is genuine curiosity.
A skill very few people actually have is being a good listener. Not only will they like you more when they can talk more about themselves, but now you’re actually connecting with this person.
When you put all of your focus on them, all of the attention goes back on you. You become someone who is truly memorable.
3. Ask more interesting + intentional questions
Switch from “what did you do last weekend?” to “do you have any exciting plans this weekend?”
Switch from “what do you do for work?” to “do you have any exciting projects you’re working on?”
My favorite question when people tell me about their career is “do you like it?” “what do you like about it?” “if you could have any career would it be this?”
And actually giving a damn enough to notice “ohhh okay, so you’re really passionate about (x)” “you seem really interested in (x).” So much more interesting than “oh cool”
Be intentional and notice !
4. Don’t go on autopilot
Someone asking you “how are you” and you going “good, how are you?” is literally the most useless, boring phrase of all time it would actually be more interesting if you just stood there silently.
That is an opportunity to tell this person more about you and have an interesting conversation so tell them how you are doing like hello ?
Switch "good, how are you?” to
“I’m great! But I’m starving I’ve heard the food here is really good, what are you going to get?”
“I’m exhausted honestly I didn’t think I was going to come, but I’m so happy I did because of (x)”
“I’m fantastic I’m ready for another drink I normally get this, what are you going to get?”
Don’t forget you have a pulse when someone ask you “how are you?”
5. Pause and breathe technique
Take a breath before you answer a question.
This shows the person asking “wow she’s really thinking about my question, she actually gives a damn”
And think before you just blurt something out.
This is uncommon so when you do it, it really stands out to people because it’s authentic!
You’re not a robot going on autopilot when you speak to people. You’re truly wanting to have a real conversation and connect.
6. Let them tell their story first
If someone is telling you a story, let them tell their damn story before you go “omg same let me tell you my story” and suddenly the entire conversation is about you.
Knowing someone else can relate to you is extremely powerful, so if you relate, relate. But let them talk first. Ask at least a few questions before you share your piece. You want them to feel safe and open talking with you, and when you take the time to truly listen and give a damn.
Happy conversing <3